Saturday, 6 June 2015

Another meander down Solipsism Lane

Mental illness can be funny.

Both funny peculiar and funny ha-ha (I love that expression). I've long had an interest in it and went through a period at university when aberrant psychology absolutely fascinated me (given that I was studying medicine at the time, with a particular interest in forensics, there's an obvious direction that could have gone, but it didn't).

I think before you experience mental illness for yourself, it is a pretty interesting area, if you're into learning about things that is. The continued success (deserved too) of popular books about psychology - things like 'The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat" and "The Power of Introverts" rather than stuff like "Think Yourself Thin!" and the rest of the self-help crap - is testament to this. But I guess while I'm here, why slag off self-help books, hell if the placebo works, don't knock it. Ah, you know what I mean.

Anyway as everyone says, the first step to treating depression is recognising that you have it. I'd always assumed this to be a cliche, but it is true (or at least it is for me). And that took a hell of a long time. So I'm past that bit now, which I guess has to be a relief. What next though? Fuck knows.

I suppose the mention of solipsism is because I've - at points during this...whatever it is - had moments where I can seem to be completely self-knowing. What I mean is that I can be on a train of thought that I know stems somehow from a mental aberration and even carry out actions according to those thoughts, even if they don't seem to make much sense at the time, whilst being completely aware that what I'm thinking and doing is part of the illness I've got. It's a very strange feeling, but not necessarily "wrong"; no, it can feel wrong but it's always logical. It's like studying your thoughts from the inside, if that makes any sense. I don't think it does really.

Christ, mental illness, you're a hard one to pin down, I'll give you that one.

No comments:

Post a Comment